


the long and winding road

by you_idjits



Series: college kids [5]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, College Roommates, Deaf Character, Dean and Cas throw a housewarming party, M/M, also not as fluffy as the other parts, deaf!Cas, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-17
Updated: 2014-10-17
Packaged: 2018-02-21 11:56:24
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,909
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2467460
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/you_idjits/pseuds/you_idjits
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean and Cas move in together. It's easier than Dean expects.<br/>But it's not always easy. Relationships are hard work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	the long and winding road

They move in together during the fall of junior year. It’s not as eventful as Dean expected; after all, they’ve been sharing a room for two years now. The only thing that’s really new is the king-size bed. Dean doesn’t have a lot of belongings for their new apartment, but Cas has enough books to compensate.

Dean borrows a ladder from the engineering school and paints the whole apartment a pale blue. They go grocery shopping together on Sundays. Dean even lets Cas buy his weird whole-grain cereals. At twenty, Dean feels less like a college student and more like an adult: a functioning, self-sufficient, home-owning adult. It’s a nice feeling. Living off campus is freeing.

And not that he’s really said it – or signed it – but Dean has a feeling this is it for him. Living with Cas, sharing a bed and a kitchen and a newspaper, is it for him.

But that doesn’t need saying. Cas knows.

They throw a housewarming party, once everything’s settled and steady. It’s nothing big, just a couple of friends and some decent beer. Anna and Gabriel come, of course; Anna signs shyly as she slips off her shoes, while Gabriel struts right in like it’s his name on the lease.

 _Nice place,_ he signs. _You got your Casa Erotica subscription set up yet?_

Dean groans and surrenders himself to an evening with the guy. It’s not like Cas has a lot of deaf friends to choose from – and when it matters, Gabriel’s got a good heart.

Charlie arrives next, shoving boxed sets of Star Wars and Indiana Jones into Dean’s hands. “Because everyone knows about your thing for Harrison Ford,” she says. “And now that you’ve got your own place, you need to start up a collection.”

Dean hugs her, presses a kiss into her hair. “You’re the best, you know that?”

“Second-best,” she reminds him, and nods to Cas. “Looks like you two are settling down, and at twenty. Jeez. It’s for good?”

“Yeah, maybe,” he says, voice going soft as he follows her gaze. Cas is signing with Anna in the kitchen, his expression gentle. God, he looks so good. Dean’s eyes get caught on his hands, on the sureness and the solidness of them, on the watch tan left over from last summer’s road trip. Cas has really, really nice hands.

“If you’ll excuse me, I have to go make out with my boyfriend,” Dean says, and then he does just that.

Cas makes a surprised but enthusiastic noise. Dean winds arms around his waist, pushes him back up against the counter. Anna laughs and Charlie catcalls, and then the doorbell rings. Oh, right. Because they’re in the middle of hosting a party, and here they are making out like teenagers. Dean pulls away to see Cas’s wide-eyed stare. _The doorbell just rang,_ he signs in explanation, kisses Cas once more through his smile, and then goes to answer the door.

It’s Benny and Victor, who lived across the hall from them freshman year, who’ve been some of Dean’s best friends here at KU.

“Hey!” Victor says. He slaps Dean on the back as he passes. A little clumsily, he signs, _brought a toaster, hope that’s okay,_ to Cas.

 _It’s perfect_ , Cas says. He gives Dean a look, sighs dramatically, and then tucks back in the hem of his shirt.

“Did we interrupt something?” Benny asks.

“Nah,” Dean says.

“Just Mulder and Scully being their usual disgusting selves.” Charlie winks at Dean.

“God, I know, right? You’d think after nine months they’d get tired of each other,” says Victor. He laughs at his own words.

“Come on, come on, guys. Let’s get drunk or something, instead of just standing around.”

So they do. And it’s a blast. And when everyone’s gone, Cas and Dean fall into their bed together – _their_ bed, Dean likes the sound of that.

“Man, that was awesome,” Dean sighs, even though at this angle Cas can’t read his lips. He’s too drunk to sign properly, and too tired.

They lie side by side, Cas’s shoulder digging into Dean’s ribs, and stare up at their ceiling.

Dean could get used to this.

Cas rolls onto his side, and Dean follows. He puts his arms around Cas’s waist, folds one hand in the shape of _I love you_ over Cas’s heart. Slides the other hand under his shirt, to splay across the warm skin there.

There’s this saying about relationships, that the first six months is the honeymoon phase and after that it gets hard. And, yeah, it’s kind of true. Things aren’t perfect. But Dean is over-the-moon happy, even on his bad days.

He’s really fucking in love with Cas. That honeymoon phase never happened, or at least it never ended, because they’re in this for the long haul. Nine months in and Dean finds it hard to imagine sleeping alone ever again.

But there are bad days. There are always bad days. There are the days Cas comes home and locks himself in the bedroom. Once he feels better, he lets Dean in. He always does. And Dean just kisses him, makes him dinner, watches an old Twilight Zone rerun with the subtitles on. The bad days usually get better, with the two of them together.

Sometimes, though, Dean only makes it worse. Spring term does not start well.

Dean’s in the bedroom one day, bogged down in calculations for a multivariable calculus class, tapping his pencil with an urgent restlessness. The door swings open, Cas storms in, and he flops down on his side without a word – or a sign.

Dean pauses, pencil wavering. He puts down his work, leans over to comb a hand through Cas’s hair.

“Hey,” he says, then signs, _What’s wrong?_

Cas shakes his head, then rolls over onto his stomach.

“Dude,” Dean says. “You gotta look at me.”

Not like that’s going to do any good, when Cas has his face buried in a pillow. Dean flicks him on the back of the neck until he rolls over again.

 _Talk to me,_ he signs.

 _Bad day._ But Cas sits up, folds his legs and then folds his hands between them. There are worry lines on his forehead.

_Tough classes?_

_Stupid teachers._ Cas hesitates, hands hanging in the air. _Since classes just started, not all of them know me. One of my teachers wanted a passage read aloud today in class-_

“And he called on you,” Dean says. This has happened before, and it ruins Cas’s day every time. The teachers should know better, but sometimes there are miscommunications in the first few weeks of classes, and… “Oh, Cas.” He groans, leans in to rest his forehead against Cas’s. _I’m sorry_ , he signs.

Cas puts his hand on the back of Dean’s neck. With his other hand, he signs, _It’s okay. Just embarrassing._

 _You don’t have to be embarrassed_ , Dean signs. _It was your teacher’s mistake, not yours._

Cas kisses him once, a little unevenly. Then he pushes Dean away. _You should do your homework. I’ll get over it._

 _Okay,_ Dean signs, as he gets to his feet. He pauses halfway back to his desk. He bites his lip, weighs his words, and says, “Cas- have you ever, I mean, have you ever considered getting one of those…” He taps two fingers behind his ear, the sign for _cochlear implant._

And he must have said something wrong, because Cas goes from weary to angry in two seconds flat. He starts signing so quickly, hands a blur, that Dean can barely parse his meaning. He thinks it’s something like: _You think there’s something wrong with me right now? I don’t need to hear –_ or maybe that was _I don’t want to hear._ Then, _You think I should get a CI? You think I need a CI?_

 _No, that’s not what I-_ Dean starts to sign, but he lets his hands fall.

 _Deafness is not a disability._ He punctuates this by saying Dean’s name through clenched teeth. _It may be frustrating, yes, it may be hard at times, but it is my life. It’s the only life I know._

“Cas,” Dean says. “Cas, I know.”

 _It’s different,_ Cas signs. _Not better or worse. Just different._

Dean taps his temple. _I know._ He takes a step back to Cas, then stops. _I’m sorry._

_There are so many better uses for $50,000 than allowing me limited hearing capabilities._

And of course Cas would think like that – for Christ’s sake, he puts up Save the Bees posters in their apartment building, he goes to student protests, he gives his spare change to homeless folks on streetcorners. But Dean knows it’s about more than the money. It’s not like Cas wouldn’t have considered that before. If he wanted a CI, he’d have one.

Cas slumps over then, looking tired and off-kilter. _I didn’t mean to snap at you._

_I get it; you’ve had a long day. You’re right, anyway._

Cas rakes a hand through his hair. _I’m going to go, I think. I’m not in a good mood and I don’t want to take it out on you._

Dean sighs, stuffs his hands in his pockets and lets Cas go out. They can resolve whatever that was – he’s not sure if it counts as an argument – later. Cas is stressed and unhappy, and Dean wants to do what he can to help, but sometimes that just means giving him space.

Living together, off-campus, means there isn’t a lot of personal space. Sometimes it gets a little suffocating. And even though Dean’s committed to this, he know he is, it still scares him sometimes. The power of it. Relationships are hard work. Dean doesn’t know if he can hold up his end of the deal.

He fucks up a lot of stuff. He doesn’t want to fuck up Cas.

So Dean stews. He can’t concentrate on his calculus anymore. He just wants Cas back here, happy.

And Cas does come home, eventually. He always does. He unlocks the door with a heavy sigh, hangs his keys on their hook, kicks off his shoes in the kitchen. He goes straight to Dean.

“Dean,” he sighs. Dean swings his legs off the bed and lets Cas lean against him. He buries his face in the folds of Cas’s jacket.

“I love you,” Dean says, because he’ll never get tired of saying it aloud.

Cas puts his hands, then his lips, on Dean’s face. _I’m sorry_ , he signs.

_You don’t have to be._

Cas takes off his trench coat and hangs it up in the closet. Dean watches as he walks back, as he picks up Dean’s papers and notebooks and pencils and stacks them on the bedside table. He unbuttons his shirt one button at a time, and strips down to boxers and a t-shirt. He leaves his clothes in a pile on Dean’s side of the bed.

 _I just want to go to bed,_ Cas signs.

Dean swallows. _Okay,_ he signs. _Okay, that’s fine. Do you want me to sleep out on the couch?_

 _No_ , Cas signs. _I’m not angry at you. I was never angry at you._

_Can I- can we talk about it?_

“Dean,” Cas says. _Sleep._

_Okay, yeah. I get it._

_I just want to be with you_ , Cas signs. His face crumples.

“Oh, babe,” Dean says. He pulls Cas down into his arms. That’s what he wants too. That’s enough for him.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to [Tasha](http://kraziiisme.tumblr.com/) and [Onja](http://appleblossomdean.tumblr.com/) for editing this. First draft was kind of a mess.  
> God, I am so sorry about how long this has taken, guys. For those who've been reading since the beginning, thank you so much for your continued support. It means so much.  
> Next piece will come soon, I promise.  
> Also, keep an eye for my DCBB, should be posting soon! Would mean a lot to me if y'all would read it, because I've put a lot of work and love into it.
> 
> Title comes from the [song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fUO7N-zSMYc) by the Beatles - one of my favorites, and it's in the right era, so... close enough.
> 
> Crossposted on [tumblr](http://shootingstarcas.tumblr.com/post/100214782681/the-long-and-winding-road)  
> Feel free to drop me a line there :)


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